


Firsts

by aurawinterrain



Series: Bokuaka Week 2020 [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Again, Akaashi Keiji is a Mess, Angst, BokuAka Week 2020, Bokuto Koutarou is a Good Boyfriend, Bokuto Koutarou is a sweetheart, Falling In Love, Falling Out of Love, Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, akaashi is hurt, learning to love again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:46:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25669168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurawinterrain/pseuds/aurawinterrain
Summary: "And if I could, I would go back in time and erase all he did so I could experience all my firsts with you again."In which Bokuto isn't Akaashi's first boyfriend, but he will be the last person Akaashi falls in love with.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Bokuaka Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857340
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52
Collections: Bokuaka Week 2020





	Firsts

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda projected myself into Akaashi at the first half, not gonna lie. Sorry I couldn't come up with a name, but my reasoning for that would be that Akaashi tried so goddamn hard to forget, that eventually, all he remembers is the dull ache that came after realising that they had fallen out of love, and not the person he fell in love with. Welp, maybe one day I'll find my Bokuto? :> thanks for giving this a chance, happy reading.

Akaashi realised he wasn’t normal when he realised he had feelings for a senior in his club back in high school. It was late, but he insisted on staying behind to perfect the piece. 

“You know, you really shouldn’t be pushing yourself since you’re just a first year. No one would blame you if you stumble or make a few mistakes,” He was kind, he always was. Not just to Akaashi, but to all their juniors. Still, something about how he also stayed behind just to coach Akaashi, how he was ever so gentle and patient when explaining the musical terms that Akaashi just couldn’t get no matter what. 

He didn’t even realise how hard he was falling until it happened. He always thought it was weird, how big chests or butts were as appealing to him as they were to other males his age. Still, he chalked it up to him not being interested in romance, never once thinking that it could be due to the fact that he  _ was  _ interested in romance, just not interested in romance with a woman. Perhaps he realised it far too late. 

It was a hot summer afternoon, but everyone was gathered together in their small hall, watching as they called out the names of the graduating batch. Akaashi was bored, so he tried looking around for his seniors from his club, when he made eye contact with  _ him _ . He gave Akaashi a small wave and a wink, and that was when Akaashi finally realised why he had been feeling off these few weeks. His chest felt hollow suddenly, and he couldn’t help but tear his gaze away, no longer interested in whoever was getting whatever stupid award. He stared at his fingers in his lap like they were the most interesting thing on earth, trying to convince himself that it was  _ okay,  _ that everything would still be the same - But he knew that it wasn’t. Club activities were never going to be the same, at least not for Akaashi.

His 18 year old self was much bolder than he is now, Akaashi thought, as he thought back on what he did after realising that he was going to lose the person he liked. Right after the graduation ceremony, he met his senior at the back of the school - a popular place for confessions. Before he even knew it, the words were just tumbling out of Akaashi’s mouth, those three cursed words.

“I love you, ___” Akaashi watched as his senior’s eyes went wide, and then a small smile settled on those beautiful lips. 

“I know, ‘kaashi. I was just waiting to see how long it would take for you to realise. I love you too.” 

And that was how Akaashi got his very first boyfriend. 

They shared all of Akaashi’s firsts. His first kiss, his date, his first overseas trip. Yet, Akaashi had a terrible, horrible feeling that they wouldn’t work out. It began somewhere in their third year together, when both of them were busy with their responsibilities. Petty fights turned into shouting matches, and Akaashi slowly began to see the sides of his senior that he was so blind to before. He saw how the latter would brush aside anniversary dates, how he would end their date early if work cropped up, how he  _ looked _ at the bartender like how he looked at akaashi three years ago. Unable to stand it, he did what was best for the both of them and broke it off. 

It was a clean break - at least for Akaashi, it was. He completely cut off all contact from their high school club, even packing and moving to a more secluded area of Tokyo, not minding that this meant an hour long ride on the subway to and from university. He was hurt, afterall. Even if he was the one who initiated the break up, he was hurt. It took him two whole years to convince himself that he was totally over the relationship, and another to finally begin to consider ever falling in love again. 

That was where Bokuto came in. 

Bokuto was a pro volleyball player, and was on Japan's national team. Akaashi had moved on from university to become an editor at a large publishing company. They happened to meet after one of Bokuto’s matches, where Akaashi was set to interview the wing spiker. The first time he met Bokuto, Akaashi was slightly shocked at how loud the latter was. Yet, at the end of the interview, he couldn’t help but feel slightly at ease, even though loud people usually scared him off. Right as he was about to leave, Bokuto held him back, a slight blush on his cheeks. 

“Uhm, I’ve noticed you since you started watching our matches. I didn’t know you were an editor, but I’m slightly glad we got to meet. I-I just wanted to say that you look really pretty, but your eyes always look so sad, like there’s an important part of you that’s missing. I don’t really know how to help, but my teammates say I’m actually a good listener, so, if you don’t mind, we can grab some coffee together sometime?”

Akaashi froze, not knowing how to reply. He was unaware of how sad and empty his gaze actually seemed, these three years he had spent trying to mend himself - where they all for nothing? Still, something about how Bokuto’s loud and boisterous voice seemed like sunlight flitting through the depths of the murky waters, and it made him want to crawl out of the darkness and finally breathe again. So, he agreed. 

“I’d love to, Bokuto-san.” He paused, watching as Bokuto’s eyes brightened like an excited puppy. Perhaps, that was when he started to fall for the spiker. 

-

Akaashi felt like it was his first date all over again, fussing over little details like his hair, and was his jacket a little crooked? He actually spent time putting effort into his appearance, and left his glasses at home, deciding to wear contacts instead. They used to tell him that his eyes were beautiful, after all. When he arrived, he was surprised to see that Bokuto was already there, and  _ oh, he cleaned up  _ **_well_ ** . He was so used to seeing Bokuto in his jerseys, that seeing Bokuto in casual clothes somehow made him look more attractive than he already did. 

The spiker also gelled his hair up a little differently, instead of his two usual spikes that reminded Akaashi of a giant horned owl, he swept it to the side instead. 

“Akaashi!” Bokuto’s voice was still equally as loud as it is on court, but for some reason, Akaashi didn’t really mind it. In fact, seeing Bokuto light up upon noticing his presence stirred up something in his chest.  _ Ah, it feels so warm.  _

_ Is this what falling in love feels like? _

-

Bokuto was very patient, and also very sweet. He sensed Akaashi’s apprehension to the whole ‘dating’ thing, and never pushed him to officially label their relationship. Akaashi had only been in one relationship, and he was the one who was constantly trying to fix everything wrong, so to have someone actually trying to court him made him happier than he expected to be. Sometimes, when Bokuto was on his way back from his morning jog, he would drop by Akaashi’s house, with breakfast ready and a bouquet of flowers. When Akaashi was stuck in his office due to a deadline, Bokuto would sneak in after most of the company staff have left, focing Akaashi to take a break and put something in his system.

So, it wasn’t long before they shared their first kiss. It was about 4 months after they started hanging out, on one of their unofficial dates. Bokuto bought tickets to a carnival nearby, so that both of them could relax for a weekend. Akaashi didn’t think that he would enjoy carnivals that much, after all, he generally disliked crowded places. But when they arrived, he was pleasantly surprised to see that there really weren't many people weaving in and out of the different stalls.

“I know you don’t really like crowds, so I found the tickets to a lesser well-known carnival out of Tokyo, hoping that there wouldn’t be as many people here.” Bokuto explained, a small smile on his face when he noted Akaashi’s relief. “Well, let’s forget the fact that we are adults for a day and let our inner child come out, let’s go~” He let out a whoop, drawing some attention from the people nearby, but Akaashi merely laughed, letting Bokuto drag him into the crowd and towards the rides. He couldn’t remember the last time he’s had so much fun. 

The sun was setting, and there was still one last ride they have yet to try out - the ferris wheel. It was cliche, but that was where Akaashi finally summoned enough courage to just lean forward and close the gap between their lips. The setting sun cast a pink glow over the rest of the view, making it seem so magical. Bokuto was excitedly pointing towards the various rides they had been on, saying how it looked so tiny and that they were so high up - his eyes were wide open and he looked so adorable that Akaashi’s only response was to smash his lips against the wing spiker’s. 

“A-Akaashi-” Bokuto’s face was scarlet red, something akin to a cooked lobster. “I-uh-” He stuttered, struggling to form a coherent sentence. Akaashi chuckled, he actually did - Bokuto’s reaction was simply too cute for the editor to resist. He dropped his head onto the spiker’s broad shoulders, pausing to catch his breath before speaking. 

“I should have done that way earlier, Bokuto-san. I’m sorry I made you wait for so long-”

“No!” Bokuto startled the both of them by his sudden outburst, gently pushing Akaashi away so he could look at him in the eyes. “You were healing and that is completely okay. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. I really like you, Akaashi, and I really want to treasure you and respect you. So you don’t have to apologise for taking the time to heal, because whenever you’re ready, I just wanted to be here, ready to catch you when you fall.”

Akaashi teared up upon hearing Bokuto’s words, but for the first time in a very long while, he let out a genuine smile.  _ Oh god,  _ he thought, as he leaned in for another kiss.  _ I think he’s the one, no, please, I  _ **_want_ ** _ him to be the one.  _

That night, before they both went to bed, Akaashi caved and told Bokuto about his past. About how his senior promised a future together, but when they actually entered a relationship, they both got burdened with responsibilities and  _ life  _ in general, then suddenly, he wasn’t the one that they wanted anymore. How he broke it off, wanting to look for someone who would value and treasure him. ( “Like you do, Bokuto-san,”) Bokuto had remained quiet the entire time, and the initial anger at how someone could do that to Akaashi eventually melted away as the editor went on to explain that they were just young and dumb, swept up in this thing called ‘love’.

“I don’t even think  _ I _ know what love is, it’s been years since I’ve seen him but all I knew was that when I realised we were never going to work out, it felt like something inside of me just shattered, and I felt so hollow,” Akaashi’s voice was so soft, Bokuto had to strain his ears to hear him even in the quiet room. “But, then I met you.” He lifted his gaze, a small smile settling on those beautiful lips. 

“You were everything I wanted and more. I saw you from the sidelines, saw how you interacted with your fans, your teammates. I know you aren’t like him, but some part deep inside my brain just keeps whispering ‘ _ what if, what if _ ’... Then you asked me out. It was an opportunity I couldn’t let go of, and I’m so, so glad I said yes, because when I’m with you, I feel  _ complete _ . And if I could, I would go back in time and erase all he did so I could experience all my firsts with you.”

With that, Akaashi was enveloped in a bone-crushing hug, one that he returned with the same ferocity. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, Keiji. I can’t promise that our time together will be smooth sailing, we will argue, we will fight. But what I can promise is that at the end of the day, I’ll come back to you, and my arms will always be a place where you can seek refuge from the world.” Akaashi nodded, nestling his head against the crook of Bokuto’s neck, closing his eyes. 

“I love you, Koutarou. Thank you.” 


End file.
